Film: Under Siege (1992)

Thoughts: Under Siege is remarkably interesting and exceptionally entertaining, and stands as a quintessential example of 80s/90s action filmmaking. Seagal is dangerous, the one liners are witty, the bad guys are evil and intriguing, and the action is well placed, as is the plot. You can't beat 90 minutes with Seagal at his finest.

Seagal plays Casey Ryback, a former SEAL turned cook. I know, right?! Anyway, he's a bad-ass with no regard for idiotic authority figures, but when the shit goes sour you know he's a man you can rely on. When Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Busey takes over his ship, you can be damn sure that he's not gonna take it lying down. So he kills a bunch of people and generally fucks up their plans. Next!

There's NOT ONE but TWO significant knife fights in Under Siege.

Review over.

...OK fine, let me elaborate. The film, while friendly to action fans, also has a surprisingly interesting story and pace. You never truly know what is going on until the final act, so you're constantly curious as to how everything's going to play out, especially with regards to the bad guy's plan. Tommy Lee Jones plays a pitch-perfect crazy asshole with serious talent, so any time he's on screen you're never bored. There's a requisite hot chick (Erika Eleniak, smack bang in the middle of her Baywatch years), some light co-star and background character action, and enough lackeys to cut down, break apart or relieve throats from. Boredom is practically non-existent.

It all basically points to a case of elements coming together nicely. I mean, there's a reason why it's considered Seagal's best film ever. Popcorn, drinks and a recliner. It's how late century action films were meant to be enjoyed.

4/5

Film: Warriors Of The Rainbow: Seediq Bale (Theatrical Cut) (2011)

Thoughts: It was easy for me to feel a lot of internal conflict during Warriors Of The Rainbow. It was equally as easy for me to be reminded during the film that humanity is often a hell of a lot crueller and brutal to itself than even this particular film could display. The film slips into melodrama more often than it should and sometimes even touches on an eye-rolling level of camp, detracting from an otherwise eye-opening and really quite exhausting 2 and a half hours of exaggerated history that not many Westerners would be aware of. Lots of fighting, a hell of a lot of decapitations, and and some rather maddening cultural differences lie within.

Warriors Of The Rainbow concerns a group of people, the Seediq, that live a relatively primitive existence in the Taiwanese mountains. There are about 10 different tribes that make up these people, and they live off the land and abide by their own rules and cultural norms- including people hunting and the act of removing their conquest's heads from their bodies to "appease their gods", or something. Anyway, early in the 1900s the Chinese and Japanese government shook hands on a deal that opened up Taiwan for Japanese expansion, including the particularly mineral-rich lands these people presided over. The Japanese move in, the people fight back. The Japanese eventually win, and about 20 years later (1930ish) the now-ruled aboriginal tribes are subjected to the usual shit that seems to befall conquered people in history, including the quashing of various important customs that are required for the Seediq to move forward in their lives as demanded by their beliefs. Eventually, a particular incident at a ritual wedding causes some bad stuff to happen, and eventually the Seediq rise up with violence in what was known as Wushe Incident. Basically, they kill an entire Japanese township. Regardless, this leads to all-out war between the two, and the whole thing goes pear shaped for both sides.

That seems like a lot for a synopsis- and it is. Hell, that doesn't even cover all the basics. So in that regard, it is hard to check over a film that I KNOW exists in a 2 part 4 and a half hour cut, and that is confirmed to expand on just about every aspect of the story. Either way, I've seen this cut, so this cut I'm going to cover.

There's a lot of action. A LOT of action. Seriously, I wasn't expecting this much action. You get these brutal sword encounters that fully convey just what guerrilla fighting and sword battles probably would have looked like during this time. You also get plenty of your standard war movie action towards the end. In fact, practically the last hour is all action. It is really quite something else, and it is all shot and handled quite well, thumbs up for the authenticity. Not many people are spared, believe me. Women and children are NOT covered in movie-magic damage protectors.

...which brings me to my next point- my conflict. Like I said at the start, I felt a lot of internal conflict during this film. I understand that different cultures have different norms and beliefs and so forth, but some that are upheld by these people are just plain... well, insane. Like for instance, it seems like if a member of a family dies, then all the other members of the family just go ahead and off themselves. Wife, brother, son, infant, it don't matter. Or, let's say in the case of our main progatonist (there are a few) Mona Rudao, at the end of the film, he heads off to kill his wife and kids, because they're losing. It's nuts. I thought these guys were fighting for freedom! I know, I know, I guess it's because living under slavery is not freedom, but I dunno. It's just a bit odd to me. Plus, there's a moment where a shit-ton of women and their kids commit suicide for the reason that "they'll take the food out of the men's mouths; there is not enough to go around". Again, logically I guess that's fairly sound, kinda, but again, fighting for freedom guys! What's the point if all your legacy is dead!

Now I know so far this all makes sense, a bit, in a kind of "they cannot take our freedom!" way, but here's the real rub- that's not why they're fighting. They don't kill out of necessity. You find out that the reason they kill is "a blood sacrifice to appease god". Basically, these dudes are doing it so they can spill blood. Seriously, part of their rite o passage to adulthood is killing stuff to earn stripes (literally- they mark their faces with tattoos to signify it). A dude even says after finding out his family committed suicide "I fight for blood, not revenge!". So yeah, a lot of conflict. There's a lot more stuff like this that clashes with my Western ideals.

But see, every time I got confused, or repulsed, or maddened, I quickly reminded myself that shit was probably even worse than this film is displaying. Hell, there are moments peppered throughout history- even right up to now, this very second!- where shit was probably a lot worse. So I was constantly checking myself over and over.

Regardless of all this, I still think that our main guy was, kind of an asshole. You see him as a youngster, and he's a belligerent, self-absorbed killer with no regard for safety. Apparently this makes for great leadership among the Seediq, because jump forward and he's leading the bunch. And still, kind of an asshole. He's still a belligerent ass with no regard for others, but instead of being a role-model, he's lost himself to drink. And when he rises up to fight the power, he doesn't really think it through. A fair few innocents die, and you can see the "uh oh." type expression on his face after his people massacre a town of innocents. But of couse, being an ass, that don't stop him, so off he goes. Yeah well, that's how it goes I guess.

And the camp bits I touched on. The title is Warriors Of The Rainbow, and yeah, there are a fair few digital rainbows stuck in the mix. Plus there's fan-favourite moments like "drop to knees, scream at heavens" and "spirit guide fades off into a waterfall", and a very "rousing" score. The Japanese are, for the most part, there to be shot or cackling maniacally (figuratively speaking- they're eeeeeeevil.), so you got that. And the film is violent. REALLY violent. This has to be cracking a record for onscreen decapitations or something. Blood is flying all over the shop.

Look, it sounds like I'm complaining. I'm not. It's a genuinely good flick. It's a bit odd, especially if you're not used to Asian cinema or different cultures, but if you can handle that and like historical actioners, give it a try. I'm certainly going to watch the extended cut, if I get around to it.

3.5/5

Film: Conan The Barbarian (2011)

Thoughts: The structure of Conan The Barbarian is the structure that every true action film should adhere to. It has the requisite main battles and note-perfect climaxes, but all that boring inbetween stuff like plotting and characterization is punctured and laced through with tiny little scuffle and action moments that never allow the pace to slacken. Conan is, simply put, one of the most action-filled films I've ever seen, bar The Raid. Movement is constant and flowing, and the plot and characters are adequately fleshed out- for a true action film. There's nothing more an action fan could ask for.

The film follows the story of the eponymous battle-born Cimmerian right from moment of birth- in the midst of a large scale conflict. He is literally torn from his fatally wounded mother's womb, and exposed to the world. Of course, this literally transfers to him being a bad-ass by birthright. It wouldn't really work if through his violent entry it led to him being a scrawny, mild-mannered banker now would it. Anyway, resident bad dude Khalar Zym (Stephen Lang) and his witchy daughter (Rose McGowan, later) bust into town chasing after pieces of a Macguffin known as the Mask Of Shazbot or something. Once collected, all one needs is the blood of a pure woman, and you can do funky things like raise the dead and take over the world, apparently. So the entire race of Cimmerians are slaughtered, and young Conan's dad is killed right in front his eyes. Needless to say, Conan gets all growed up and played convincingly by Jason Momoa, and he's off to take sweet, sweet revenge. And of course he runs into the aforementioned pure woman (Rachel Nichols) and decides to help her too- help that turns to out to be- what else- killing Khalar Zym! So it all works out.

The actors do fine, with Stephen Lang and Rose McGowan hamming it up suitably. I personally loved all the overacting and general evil-ness that is layered so thickly over the whole production. It really ties in well with the insanely over-the-top blood and violence on display. And WHAT blood and violence! It's almost like all the human beings are big ripe tomatoes just waiting to be stomped. You throw a dude against a wall, and he leaves a massive ketchup stain. Heads pop like rockmelons attacking a deadblow hammer. limbs are severed and bodies ripped in twain. It is all, frankly, quite glorious.

And the action is fantastic as well. There's the awesome main set pieces, such as the fight with sand-born demon ninjas, and the massive octopus showdown towards the end. All are well shot, and full of great sword-clanging and slicing. Personally though, I really loved all the mini fights scattered throughout. They display a great sense of space and capture these great moments of swordsmanship and badassery that are commonly lost in other films. Basically, it takes Conan himself from a man who speaks with large words to convey his awesome, and turns him into a man who displays his awesome through his skills. It is a small shift that turns a common film into a great one, in my opinion.

Of course, if you're not one for hammy, bloody fantasy actioners, then you'll probably not want to touch this with a 20 foot pole. The story can be summed up in about 2 sentences, and characters never really progress beyond their desires. But in my opinion, a great action film can easily be defined by the skill it displays in effectively producing its one proper commodity- captivating and entertaining action. And in my eyes, Conan The Barbarian fulfils that task effortlessly.

4/5

Film Rewatch: Chronicle

Thoughts: Yeah, so.... this didn't work so well on a second viewing. It seems that once the giddiness of having superpowers wears off, and you know all the beats coming, what you're left with is an actually really clunky coming-of-age drama with no real character to speak of. People spout lines and hit notes, and act according to their station, but no one is really moved beyond cardboard cut-out status. Add that to how staged some of the scenes reveal themselves to be, and you get a mostly-boring lukewarm tale that so happens to have some cool visuals, rendered rather irrtating due to that damn handheld devotion.

The superpowers are still cool though, and flight is still as amazing as it ever was. The prank sequences still remain as the best sequences of the film, and the moments when the boys are learning and testing are easily the most well-handled. But outside of that, the cracks and seams start to show. The father is unnecessarily cruel with zero redeeming qualities, and the three boys are just puppets to the various points they need to make. There is really no substance to the film, aside from making some cool moments happen. In fact, the film is defined by its cool moments, and that is all it is. It is the very embodiment of our current generation in celluloid. The "me first, right now" generation; from the idea of getting superpowers, to the notion of popularity, to the lack of real education, right up to the very way the film is presented: through handheld footage cobbled together. Even the idea of lashing out at those who oppress or wrong you, and ability to throw a REAL temper tantrum at the end. It really is all one big piece of property labelled Y Gen. I'm only just now realizing all this as I type! How cool is that?!

I would like to give the extended cut a watch (I reran the Theatrical for the wife's sake) but not for a while. Maybe once I've let the traces of the film drain out of my subconscious a little bit. Then perhaps I'll be open to watching even more of this rather unsatisfactory tale.

2.5/5

Film Rewatch: Blade 2

Thoughts: A personal all-time favourite, finally on blu-ray! And the wait was worth it! The picture is stunning, the sound was phenomenal, and the film stills stands as strong as it ever did.

I've always considered the Blade films (1 and 2, there was no third film. Full stop.) to be my personal preference when it comes to comic book films, they really capture this certain vibe. And with 2, the film is like the best video game adaptation that's not based on a video game. Seriously, you have bosses, objectives, basic enemy fodder, team members with various skills, different levels, weapons and upgrades. Plus the fight scenes look and are shot like cutscenes from any number of videogames I've played.

If someone like Rocksteady made an Arkham Asylum/City style Blade game, it'd work perfectly. You watch that fight during the opening where he's taking out vamps with dual silver stakes. EXACTLY like the fight mechanics in the Batman games.

And there's something about the character designs that's very... MacFarlane-esque. Like they're animated MacFarlane toys or something; very chunky and well-coloured. Satisfying. And there's these awesome moments when you really notice Del Toro's hand, especially in set design. Most notably to me is the sequence at the top of the House Of Pain, where Blade and Nyssa meet Nomak. It's like the characters step out of Matrix Bondage Club No.59 and into Pan's Labyrinth or something; the colours, lighting and set are all very Del Toro.

The soundtrack is one I picked up years ago, and it still holds up. I can definitely recommend it for dance/techno/hip-hop heads. It was put together by P. Diddy, and practically all of the tracks are collaborations between a dance/techno artist and a hip-hop artist. Fucking amazing idea and execution.

I love this film. I can't wait to watch it again!

5/5

Film: The Expendables 2

Thoughts: The direction is adequate, the explosions are big and actually kinda infrequent, and the acting is reduced to homages, quips and gimmicks. Basically, The Expendables 2 is the best brain-off film you can currently see. I've seen it twice now and I still haven't figured out what the hell was going on. If you grew up with these relics of former greatness like I did, you'll have a hell of a time. If you like lots of blood 'n killin' n' 'splosions, you'll have a hell of a time. If you don't relate to any of the above, then you probably weren't going to see the film anyway, so move along and let us enjoy it.

The plot consists of something about a downed plane carrying intel about Uranium somewhere in Russia or something, so our intrepid Expendables are sent to investigate. On arrival though they are ambushed by MOTHER-FUCKING JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME and have to fight their way to him for revenge, and to save the world and stuff.

Now the film hits all the marks it needs to; no more, no less. There's a massive fight before the title credits, and a massive fight at the end. There's a fairly extensive lead-up to the end fight with some good hand-to-hand village combat, and a bit of gunning with an unexpected ally, but that's it. The distance between the end fight and the opener is quite large, and we're forced to endure bad dialogue, hammy acting (if you could call it that) and plot mechanics that you could care less about. You know The Expendables are gonna save the day, so why bother with the formalities? Sure, get the story moving and so forth, but do you REALLY have to spend so much time mincing with the mechanics? I don't personally think so.

Regardless, the film entertains and excites, on about the same level as the first. In my opinion, the pacing of the fights was a bit off, and I don't think there was adequate space given to each member. In fact, I believe a lot of them got seriously short-changed. Statham is absent for most of the film, and Crews and Couture don't get to do much at all. Li is shuttled off after the cold open, but I'd say that has something to do with contracts or time constraints. And unfortunately for me, Van Damme only gets one fight at the end, the rest is all plot annoyances. At least he does the part of Crazy Villain really well.

Of course, the sub roles are beefed up, with Schwarzenegger, Willis and Norris coming in hard with lots to do, and personal favourite Scott Adkins (Ninja, Undisputed 3; Redemption) shows up to take care of business. Basically, the film does everything it came to do, and no more, and no less. I'm relaly looking forward to a blu-ray viewing, because in both my cinema experiences the picture was both very grainy and very, VERY soft. Either way, get into it action lovers!

4/5

Collection: August 2012

Added to the blu-ray collection:



Scooby Doo: The Movie / Scooby Doo 2: Monster Unleashed (2 Disc)
The Searchers / The Wild Bunch / How The West Was Won (3 Disc)
Night Of The Living Dead
Happy Feet Two (Double Play)
The Loved Ones
Snowtown
Conan The Barbarian 3D (3D/2D/Digital Copy)
John Carter
One For The Money
Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows
The Sting
To Kill A Mockingbird
Reign Of Assassins
The Artist
The Mel Brooks Collection (9 Disc)
In Bruges
Law Abiding Citizen (2 Disc)
Source Code
Hugo (Triple Play)
The Hunger Games (4 Disc Deluxe Edition)
Eastern Promises
The Grey
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Haywire
Cane Toads: The Conquest 3D (3D/2D/DVD)
Black Narcissus
Monster House In 3D
Underworld: Awakening 3D
The Three Musketeers 3D
Step Up 3D
Appleseed: Ex Machina
The Avengers 3D (3D/2D/Digital Copy)

Film: The Bullet Vanishes (2012)

Thoughts: I believe The Bullet Vanishes will be a far more rewarding experience on a second viewing, because the story is far too convoluted, and packed with twists and double-takes, making it quite difficult to keep up during a first pass. A second viewing shouldn't be difficult though, because the visuals and audio are really quite astounding. It's basically a HK Sherlock Holmes, slow-mo, fisticuffs, bullets and all. But, because of the great cinematography, NO SHAKY CAM IN SIGHT! Hooray!

Nicholas Tse plays a hot-headed young cop with the fastest draw in town. Ching Wan Lau is the Holmes of the piece: an eccentric, anti-social newly christened detective with an unnatural ability to see things others can't, deducing answers beyond normal means. They happen to become partners, with their first case being very similar to the recent Detective Dee & The Mystery Of The Phantom Flame; that of mysteriously dead bodies with missing bullets, showing up at a gun and bullet manufacturing concern, with the ominous message written in blood "The phantom bullet will kill you all." It's up to our two detectives, and their trusty sidekick, to sniff out who- or what- is responsible, before everyone ends up dead.

The story is fairly basic, just overly complex, but upon further thought, there seems to be a fair bit more to the characters than in Guy Ritchie's action blockbuster. Retrospectively, characters seem to have more depth, more nuance than on first viewing, with a variety of motivations allowing one to see all sorts of moments in a completely new light. The films final few story beats are more than enough to warrant a second viewing, and I think will make the time a far more fulfilling exercise than the initial run-through. There's just too many names, faces, and turns to consider when trying to keep up with all the new information piled on.

But in my opinion, aside from the great actors ( I like Ching Wan Lau- he was the mad detective in Mad Detective!) the real star here was the visuals and the audio. My god, the visuals! I don't think I've ever seen such a clear, precise picture on a movie screen. Clarity was astounding, and the lighting, colour and cinematography were all really well done. The audio for this film is particularly important; with a lot of the sequences and deductions involving the use of sound cues, and they are handled very, very effectively. I mean, I don't usually jump in films, but within the first few minutes I felt like I had a freakin' coronary because of a particular sound moment. It was then that I knew I was in for a treat, technically speaking. And, what cinematography! The film constantly keeps things fresh with smart camera angles and pans, some very fun flashbacks in "figuring out scenes" like in Sherlock Holmes, with some very fun use of filters and colours. But most importantly, NO SHAKY CAM. All the fight scenes are done with proper, solid camerawork. That's enough to get a big thumbs up in my book.

That said, there is a lot, and I mean A LOT of talking; deducing, back and forths, threats and sneaky dealings. The 2nd act seemed to consist of a lot of talking, and this could be a dealbreaker. But the more I look back, the more I think all those bits would work much better the 2nd time around.

In my opinion, this was much better in retrospect, and the more I think about the film, the more I want to rewatch it. Especially how it made me feel like I was watching a blu-ray in full Home Theatre mode. Only a few more decades until I have my own!

4/5

Film: God Bless America (2011)

Thoughts: Character actor Joel Murray puts in a mesmerizing performance as Frank; the main of 2 protagonists in Bobcat Goldthwait's God Bless America. Not only is his work in the film a highlight for potential viewers; the film itself is a cathartic and blood-pumping critique of everything that is currently wrong with this world and, as someone who agrees and was agreeing with practically all of the messages relayed throughout, I can wholly recommend this to anyone who is just waiting for this current world to eat itself alive.

Frank is not enjoying life. All that comes blasting through his TV set, screamed through the radio and repeated ad nauseum by the people around him is reality shows, advertising, stupidity and hate. He sees people hurting and debasing themselves in front of cameras for their fifteen minutes of fame, and he sees the rich and famous held up as gods among men, doling out their apparently meaningful opinions and judgements on those below. He watches ordinary people committing horrible acts for money or fame, and being labelled as amazing, or talented, or hilarious. The people on the radio spew hate and bigotry, senators battle one another for power via the lowest of means. He sees American Idol judges apply thumbs up or down like Caesar on his throne, to people who just want their 15 minutes. No one talks anymore, no one listens. His neighbours keep him up all night, and box his car in when he tries to leave for work each day. One day at work, a kindly gesture is misconstrued as sexual harassment, and since everything must be PC and bureaucracy is king, he's left without employment. His daughter refuses to visit because Frank is "boring, and stupid, and you don't have any computer games or cable, and you won't get me an iPhone" and later that day, he is offhandedly diagnosed with a brain tumour and given weeks to live by his distracted doctor, who takes mobile calls from a car salesman during the consult. Frank has done tours in war, Frank has tried to live his life as graciously to others as possible. And Frank has had enough. He takes his shooter, his neighbours car and his jacket, and he hits the road to kill a reality show star. Along the way, he meets the young Roxy (Tara Lynne Barr) who seems to share the same disillusionment with today as Frank, and together they will rid America of its blight of hate, one idiot at a time.

Bobcat Goldthwait is no stranger to expressing his views through film. His previous effort World's Greatest Dad was an incisive, pitch black look into being a father, being loved and the lengths we go to make our deepest dreams a reality, no matter how much we lose or how little it really means in the end. In God Bless America, monologues come early and often, with Bobcat speaking volumes through his characters, taking aim at everything that is currently wrong with our rapidly failing civilization. As his mouthpiece Frank says, "What's the point of being a civilization anymore, if we can't even be civilized?" and I believe him. I was watching the flick just waiting for the moment when one of the characters would bring up something during their many, many dialogues and targets but, not once did something come up that I can be ashamed to admit I'm a member of. I don't subscribe to any current political agenda, I don't listen to any radio. I don't watch or vote for any reality shows. I don't have an opinion on gay marriage, I don't have a god I "listen" to. I'm not obsessed with anything, and I do not believe that life is anything more than a short stay on this Earthly plane. I try to be nice to everyone around me, and I try to do the best I can for my family and friends. I don't try to push my beliefs on anyone, nor do I denounce theirs as wrong. I try to make my time here as enjoyable as possible, and I try to make my stamp as little as possible on other peoples journey. God Bless America seems to posit the same, so much so that our protagonist like to run through a different code as opposed to his hot-headed young partners; that not everyone who is an idiot deserves to die, but if they're mean, then they've gotta go. And I agree. I have no time for mean-spirits, and I subscribe wholly.

Here is my favourite monologue from the film, and I agree with it 100%:



So the performances have to match this very particular view, and I'm proud to say that they do. The leads are fantastic, and encapsulate everything that is being laid out by the filmmakers. You look into Joel Murray's eyes and see a man who is so, so sad at the state of the world that he practically pities all these fools that he feels compelled to eliminate from existence. And young Tara Lynne Barr has this very venomous yet innocent streak about her, maintaining an air of adolescent immaturity that clings to her abnormally mature ways and mindset. All of the bit players are suitably game, bringing that level of exaggeration that *just* reaches the line, barely crossing into ridiculousness.

The script is perfect, with the many monologues practically entrancing. I've watched a few of them several times now and the dialogue, combined with the performances and the direction lure me in as I just take in all of the bile being spewed forth from our various players. It is really something else, and the direction suits it, providing macabre visions against the typical media-obsessed world we live in, almost parading the violence in a cartoon fashion as a necessary addition to the humour, especially since it is intrinsically linked to the story. I mean, right from the get go you have Frank busting into his neighbours house during a dream, and taking out both the father of the trio, and his always-wailing spawn with a shotgun; the blood and gore coating the mother in such a over-the-top way that you can't help but just nod and say "well alright then". If you can handle that, then find this film ASAP.

Seriously though, for anyone like my brother and I who firmly believe that we are as a society headed straight down, get this movie, and feel good knowing that there is others out there who agree with you. Plus, its just a damn good movie. I personally didn't really like the ending but, considering how it boxes itself into a corner, there really was no other way to go, so I don't hold it against it.

4/5